It has taken me a long time to write this post.

Not because I forgot the Jungle Ultra, but because I’m still trying to understand what it meant to me.

The Jungle Ultra is a 230km self-sufficient ultramarathon through the Peruvian Amazon. Five stages. Heat, humidity, river crossings, mud, insects, isolation, exhaustion and very little comfort. Everything you need for the week is carried on your back.

People often ask why anyone would do something like that.

I’m not sure there’s ever a simple answer.

When I first attempted the Jungle in 2016, I failed. At the time that hurt badly. I had finished other ultras, back-to-back marathons and long endurance events, but the Jungle broke me. Coming home after failing felt harder than the race itself.

So in 2018 I went back.

Not to prove I was stronger than the Jungle.
Not to conquer it.
Just to see if I could meet it differently.

The strange thing about endurance events is that eventually they stop being about running. They become about honesty. About what happens when exhaustion strips away distraction, noise and performance.

Somewhere in the middle of the Jungle, during endless rain and mud, another runner asked me about the date on my race number: 16.6.11.

That was the day KatieAnn was born and died.

She lived for just under twelve hours.

Even now, years later, I still carry her with me when I run. Maybe that sounds strange to some people, but grief has its own geography. Certain miles, certain landscapes, certain moments open doors inside you.

The Jungle did that constantly.

There were moments of incredible beauty. Running through clouds of mist as the rainforest woke up. The sound of birds before sunrise. Villages appearing out of nowhere. Children cheering runners through deep mud. Standing under freezing water trying to cool a body that felt close to overheating.

And there were darker moments too.

Moments where the mind gets very quiet and very honest.

Out there, stripped of normal life, titles, jobs and routines, you realise how little separates strength from vulnerability. Many of the people drawn to races like this are carrying something. Loss. Fear. Grief. Questions they cannot answer in ordinary life.

I think perhaps that is part of why we go.

Not to escape ourselves.
But to meet ourselves more clearly.

Finishing the Jungle Ultra in 2018 remains one of the hardest things I have ever done. But strangely, it no longer feels important because of the finish line.

What stays with me now are the smaller moments:
shared silence,
kindness between exhausted strangers,
the feeling of continuing forward one difficult step at a time,
and the reminder that human beings are capable of far more than we think.

Looking back now, I realise the Jungle was never just about endurance.

It was about learning that suffering and beauty can exist beside each other.
That grief can travel with us without destroying us.
And that sometimes the bravest thing a person can do is simply keep moving forward.